How to Negotiate Safer Sex

You mustn't force sex to do the work of love, or love to do the work of sex.
- Mary McCarthy

Communicating with your partner is the best way to insure that you both have a pleasurable sexual experience and that you protect yourselves from exposure to sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy. But communication is often more difficult than it sounds. Let's face it: talking about sex can be awkward and embarrassing. But these days not talking about sex can be dangerous. It is important to remember that your health and safety are worth whatever feelings of fear and awkwardness a conversation might bring up.

One way to start is by introducing a safer sex conversation during a low-key moment: while on a walk, during dinner, over the phone. Try not to wait until you are between the sheets to bring up safer sex. You can start small. Mention a news story about condoms or a magazine piece on STDs. If you are involved in a on-going relationship you can tell your partner that your desire to use condoms is based on your growing awareness of safer sex, not a lack of trust in your relationship.

Begin to develop a sexual vocabulary that you are comfortable with. Some people enjoy slang or "talking dirty" while others prefer a more formal terminology. Use bedtime word games to teach each other your languages for sex. Remember that everyone has different words for what they enjoy - "doing it" for one person can mean "foreplay" to another.

Say what you want very clearly so that there will be no misunderstanding. Hopefully, the person you are with will want to share that desire with you. A good, loving partner will want to know what makes you tick. In fact, sharing your desires with your partner can be an exiting, pleasurable part of any experience.

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