Online
dating may be the ideal way to find a perfect soulmate
Finding
Your Soulmate on the Internet: A Beginner's Guide
by Joanne B.
Parrotta
Just a few
years ago many people wouldn't even think of dating online,
believing that only weird, unattractive, desperate, or extremely shy
people used the Net to find dates. Since then, online dating has
evolved and is now a mainstream trend among singles.
This change in
public opinion has sparked remarkable growth in the online dating
market. In 2003, an estimated 3 million people paid for an online
dating service listing (Jupiter Research). Internet dating sites are
booming and are likely here to stay.
It is
estimated that there are 90 million singles in the US alone (Marketdate
Enterprises: The Dating Service, 2004). It's no wonder that many are
turning to the Net to meet potential mates. If you too are
considering online dating, you should establish some ground rules
before jumping in headfirst. So let's get started.
Is Internet
Dating Right for You?
Can you really
find your true love online? The answer is yes. Some do! Online
dating is fast becoming part of mainstream culture and many see it
as a great way to meet new people and possibly even find their
soulmate.
So, why would
someone want to use an online dating service?
Some people
are extremely busy and lack the time to meet people on their own. · Some
singles are tired of the club/bar scene. · Some are
new in town and don't know anyone. · Some find it
hard to find dates in more traditional ways. · And
some live in small towns or rural areas with few opportunities to
meet new people.
If you are
looking for someone special and have not had much success with
conventional dating, you may want to consider online dating. All
kinds of people--from business professionals to doctors, lawyers,
and even "the boy or girl next door"--are searching for love on the
Net.
But you must
go into it with your eyes open and with a positive, healthy
attitude. Susan, an attractive, 30-something single who has not had
a lot of luck finding dates offline, has just such an attitude.
Susan is not desperate for a man--she simply wants to find the right
man. She says,
I am perfectly
happy on my own. I really don't need a man to make me happy. I am
happy. What I am looking for is my soulmate, the person who is the
right match for me. But if that isn't in the cards for me, that's
okay--I am perfectly fine on my own.
If you are
desperate to find someone, then the Internet dating market is not
for you. Desperate people are likely to make mistakes in judgment.
They see only what they want to see, and this can be extremely
dangerous in online dating.
Online dating
has several advantages, such as the following:
Anyone (over
the age of 18) can participate in online dating--young, old,
straight, gay, and even those looking for casual encounters. · It's
quick and easy to get started and you don't need to be a computer
whiz. All you need is Internet access. · You can meet
people in a matter of minutes in the comfort of your own home. · You
can search for people of a specific sexual orientation, culture,
religion, or location, and find people who share your interests,
values, and attitudes. When you meet someone, you can get to know
each other at your own pace before you meet in person. You are
always in control.
How Does It
Work?
Most dating
sites function the same way. You create a profile, browse, and
search for free. But to receive and send email or instant messages
you have to buy a membership. If another member likes your profile,
he or she can contact you (or, if you like what you see, you can
contact him or her) and you'll start an online friendship.
Online dating
can be a bit hectic. Some sites have thousands of members, so it
helps if you keep your contacts at a reasonable number. If you find
sorting through candidates overwhelming, take a break. Go for a walk
and get some fresh air to help clear your head. Consider taking a
week or two off from your search. When you get back to it you will
have a renewed sense of excitement.
Know Yourself
before You Go Online
Before you
subscribe to an online dating service, ask yourself, "What am I
hoping to find?" Although getting started with Internet dating is
quick and easy, there is no reason to rush into anything. Take
things slowly and allow them to progress in a natural way. Stop,
think, and plan before putting yourself out there.
Whether you're
looking for casual dates or you're interested in a long-term romance
or a marriage partner, it is important that you are clear on your
goals and that you never compromise. Stay focused and remember that
desperate behavior never brings positive results. Be selective,
choosing only those people who share your values and attitudes.
How to Get
Started
Okay, now that
you are clear about how you are going to approach this new way of
finding dates, it's time to get started. The first step is to sign
up with an online dating service. There are literally hundreds of
them--one of the more popular one's is:
FriendFinder.com. This site comes highly recommended by many
reviewers of online dating. A very popular site, it is geared toward
individuals seeking friends and singles looking for serious
relationships. It offers great features, which allow you to narrow
your search so you can find that special someone more quickly. The
site also has an interactive magazine, in which you can actively
participate by posting poetry, articles, questions, answers, and
advice.
Join
FriendFinder for FREE below! Just click on the following link and
sign up now:
http://friendfinder.com/go/g815394-pmo.
Most quality
dating sites charge a fee, ranging from $20 to $50 a month. Some
offer a discount on extended memberships. Choose one that fits your
budget and that offers services that appeal to you. Read all rules
and regulations carefully.
If you can't
afford the extra expense right now, you may want to try a free
dating site. However, free sites are not highly recommended. Most
lack the features of higher-quality sites and have fewer services,
lower activity, and lots of advertisements. And, as Greg Holden,
author of Absolute Beginner's Guide to Online Dating (Que
Publishing, 2005) says, "If anyone can join without committing any
money, you are more likely to get people who aren't serious about
dating. You might get married people looking for an affair, or
people with bad manners, criminal records, and the like."
The Profile
All dating
sites require that you create a personal profile. Writing this
profile is very important. It is your chance to make a good first
impression and to stand out from the crowd. Don't rush the
process--make your profile a good one.
The trick to
writing a profile is to be as honest as you can be without revealing
too much information. Show who you are and what makes you unique.
Let's break
down the profile into five easy steps:
1. Start
with a greeting. 2. Describe yourself (your
appearance, including your height, weight, eye and hair color; age,
background, ethnicities, education, etc.) 3. Talk
about your interests and hobbies. 4. Describe
what you are looking for in a date (good looking, non-smoker, social
drinker, etc.) 5. End by asking a question--this will
encourage a response.
Keep you
profile positive and light-hearted. If your goal is to get married
and have children, don't mention this right off the bat, because
readers may think you are needy and desperate.
Although most
online dating sites don't require you to include a photo, almost all
recommend that you do. If you don't include a photo, readers may
assume that you have something to hide or that you are not happy
with your appearance. Posting your picture on the Web is not
difficult. If you don't have a digital photo of yourself or a
scanner, just take a photo to a local office-supply store and have
it scanned and copied onto a disk. Another option is to ask a friend
or relative who owns a digital camera to take a few pictures of you.
It's that simple!
However, if
you are really uncomfortable about adding your picture to your
profile, then don't. You should never do anything you are
uncomfortable with. Consider instead saying that your picture is
available upon request.
Is Internet
Dating Safe?
While there
are certainly liars, cheaters, scammers, and imposters to be found
on the Web, online dating has proved to be relatively safe. You
stand no more chance of meeting a weirdo or loser on the Net than
you do in the traditional dating world. Unfortunately, dating is
never risk free. Maintaining your safety and privacy both on- and
offline is extremely important. It is always wise to exercise
caution and common sense.
Be very
selective about who you choose to give your personal information to.
Keep in mind that there are hundreds of thousands of member on some
of the major dating sites and you might be overwhelmed with the
responses you receive. It is your job to sort out the good from the
bad.
Take a look at
the following 13 common-sense online dating tips:
1. Guard
your privacy. Don't be too quick to give away your last name,
address, phone number, place of work, or any other information that
may reveal your identity. 2. For the first few
weeks communicate solely by email. Create a separate email address
for this purpose. 3. Next, start communicating
by phone. Use a cell phone or a pay phone so that your home phone
number will not be accessible. Only when you feel completely
comfortable with someone should you reveal your personal phone
number. 4. Take your time. Collect as much
information about someone as you can before bringing him or her into
your life. 5. Watch out for someone who seems too good to be true.
He or she probably is. 6. Be aware that people
may lie in their personal profiles. Maintain a bit of skepticism.
Don't believe everything you hear or read. 7. Trust
your instincts. If anything makes you feel uneasy or uncomfortable,
stop communication completely. 8. Beware of anyone who rushes a
meeting. You are under absolutely no obligation to meet anyone.
Don't allow yourself to be pressured in any way. 9. Never
meet a complete stranger. Get to know each other first. Communicate
by email and phone before you decide to meet in person. Learn as
much as you can about a potential date. 10. Meet
only when you are ready. Certainly, never meet before one month of
communication. 11. Meet in a public place. Your
first few meetings should be held at a public place such as a
restaurant, coffee shop, or mall. Avoid remote areas. 12. If
at anytime you feel unsafe, leave. Try to diffuse the situation and
get out of there. Make sure you have enough money to get yourself
home if necessary. 13. Don't fall in love and became
intimate with anyone too quickly. Remember the person you are seeing
may be dating or interested in a few other people. Just because you
think you have found someone you want to be exclusive with doesn't
mean he or she feels the same way. Protect your heart.
When
evaluating a potential date, watch out for the following red flags:
Anger · Inappropriate
behavior · Inconsistencies in his/her comments
· Asking you to meet at a remote location · Demeaning
or disrespectful comments · Appeals for financial
help
One more word
of caution: The online dating world is not for the overly sensitive.
The chances of rejection can be much higher than with conventional
dating. It is very easy to become infatuated when there is distance
between you, but when you actually meet face-to-face, you or your
date may back right off. As you gain more experience and have a few
dates under your belt, you will realize that people are usually very
different online and in person.
You must be
able to move on from rejection quickly. Keep in mind that you can't
be all things to all people and try not to take it personally. And
as the old saying goes, if you can't take the heat, get out of the
kitchen.
Online dating
is a numbers game. Most experienced online daters will date several
people at a time until they meet someone they want to be exclusive
with, and you should do the same if you hope to be successful.
Getting over rejection is also much easier if you have other
prospects.
If you have
been online for a year or so and have not been successful in finding
someone special, consider other options. The Internet may not be
where you are meant to find your special someone. Start looking
elsewhere.
Conventional
Dating
Just because
you are giving online dating a try, by all means don't give up
conventional dating. Keep your options open. The best way to meet
singles is to go to as many singles events as you can. Meet people
at your place of work, at fundraisers, or through volunteer work.
Join a sports league or a religious group. By doing the things you
enjoy, you will meet compatible people who share your values and
attitude and want the same things out of life.
Now, get out
there and live you life to the fullest. You can be happily single
while still looking.
Happy dating!
Joanne B.
Parrotta
Author of A
Matter of Destiny
http://www.amatterofdestiny.com
P.S. Have you
found true love on the Net? I would love to hear about it! Email me
at stories@amatterofdestiny.com
© 2006 All
rights reserved
About the
author: Born in southern Italy, Joanne B. Parrotta now lives in
Vancouver, BC. Since the beginning of the 1980s, she has been
studying, learning, and writing about topics ranging from
spirituality to personal growth. She writes books that will make a
difference in people's lives. To contact Joanne, please e-mail her
at: mail@amatterofdestiny.com
What Every Woman Can Do to Have the
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